I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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