my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this hospital has no fireball
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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