Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
