First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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