I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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