So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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