so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
