The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
