You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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