3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
operation have a gay friend backfired
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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