Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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