Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
