I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
