can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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