i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize