I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
