im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
