Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
