i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
