How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
