I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
