just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
