Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
