I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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