In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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