Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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