Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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