Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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