What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
