hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize