I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Randomize
