Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize