you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
