Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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