Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
