atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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