I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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