She announced her abortion via fbk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
