i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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