i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
