are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
