So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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