He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
