Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
