u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
