Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
