I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
