Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
