i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
