he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
