remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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