PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
