my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
