someone threw a dead crab at me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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