Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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