this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pants are for mortals
tell me about the eggs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
