well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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