his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
