What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize