you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
