OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize