nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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