Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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