What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
