I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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