'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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