"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
