i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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