Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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