Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
