Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
