What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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