I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
